Best responses to some of the stupid things people say to pregnant women.

I have a two-month-old baby boy. He's my third baby, so I know a little bit about the woes of pregnancy. I've heard some people enjoy being pregnant. Personally I wasn't too fond of it. Not only  was I a hormonal, sleep deprived, exhausted, uncomfortable emotional wreck, some people just did and said things that were completely insensitive and unnecisary! Luckily I've got some of the best responses to some of the things people liked to do and say...

Stupid person: Better sleep while you can! You'll never get any sleep once that baby gets here.
Best Response: Good idea! Think my boss will let me leave work early so I can get a nap?

Stupid person: Are you sure there's only one in there?
Best Response: Actually, I'm having 8. I'm trying to get TLC to hook me up with my own reality show.

Stupid Person: You're so lucky that you can eat anything you want when you're pregnant.
Best Response: I know, right?!? I don't even have to force myself to throw it up later! The baby will make sure I throw it up in the morning!

Stupid Person: Looks like your having a really big baby!
Best Response: Well, they say obesity starts when they are young.

Stupid Person: I can tell you must be having a girl since you are carrying her all in the front.
Best Response: The penis I saw on my last ultrasound makes me think otherwise...

Stupid Person: You know what they say, girls steal their mother's beauty.
Best Response: How many girls do you have??

Stupid Person: How much weight HAVE you gained??
Response: at least 20lbs, what about you?

Stupid Person: I think you're going to have that baby early. You are way too big to be walking around! You're probably going to need a C-section.

Response: Had no idea you were an OB Dr! Where is your office at? I'll see if I can switch!

Stupid Person: Don't worry, you'll lose all the baby weight if you breastfeed.
Response: I bet you wish you'd breastfed, huh?

Stupid Person: You really are eating for two.
Best Response: But I'm not pregnant!

Stupid Person: Is your husband a big guy?
Best Response: I'm a lesbian

Stupid Person: You must have wicked stretch marks.
Best Response: We can compare if you'd like. 

Stupid Person: Do you plan on breastfeeding or bottle feeding?
Best Response: Why are you offering to help?

Stupid Person: Are you sure that your due date is correct? You look like you're going to have this baby tomorrow.
Best Response: I've been thinking that too! I should probably sue my Dr. for just pulling numbers out of thin air!

Stupid person rubs belly in an attempt to "feel the baby"
Best Response: Yell, "My turn!" I proceed to rub there's!

Stupid Person: When I was pregnant I didn't get lazy like you. I continued working and was on my feet all day until the end and it was no big deal.
Best Response: I know it looks like I'm being lazy while I take a 5 minute sit break because my ankles are so swollen, but the truth is yesterday I did a triathlon while pregnant and managed to cure cancer, so I'm just resting for a second from being an awesome super-hero and pregnant at the same time.