Sunday, April 15, 2012

For all my girls...

Today was a very interesting day for me. To start with, last night, I had to work concession stand at the ball park so Angel and Abigail hung out at my brothers house. I was out way past their bed time. Abigail is usually in bed by 7pm, but last night she was up until after 10pm. Needless to say this morning she slept in.

She normally wakes up between 7:30-8am every morning, so at 9am I decided to check on her. I walked in and saw her eyes half open. As soon as she noticed me they were wide open and she jumped pointing to her cup I had in my hand saying "oohh oohh" I reached my hand out and said "Are you ready to get up?" On a normal morning Abigail would jump up and reach back for me. This morning, however, she shook her head, snatched her cup and curled up with her blanket, and it was right back off to dreamland for her.

I had made plans for my nieces to spend the night with me. I thought we'd make a trip to Destin and see what we could find to do down there. I knew Abrakadoodle had some things going on at Grand Boulevard between 10am-1pm that I thought might be fun. Once Cory came home I decided Angel and I should go get the girls while I let Abigail continue to sleep. I figured I'd pick her up on our way back through.

At 11:30 I was at Perry's house getting his kids. We chatted for a few minutes and then I headed back home. It was a nice day, so rather than have the air on I let the girls roll down the windows. A few miles passed Perry's house I all of a sudden heard a hissing sound. I thought nothing of it because I figured it was probably one of the floats in the back (We keep floats in the back of the car because you never know when you might go to the beach). Then I heard a loud "thump thump thump thump..." and could smell burnt rubber... I knew exactly what had happened! I immediately pulled over and sure enough.. there was a hole ripped right into my back tire. I called Perry and he came out and helped me put on the donut. By the time I got home it was now 12:30pm.

Abigail was still sleeping. I knew I would need to find a tire and we probably weren't going to make it to Destin, so we had some lunch instead. Abigail finally got up at 1pm and we set off for the DeFuniak Walmart. Once we got the tire taken care of we headed to the park. This park had a water splash area and even though we didn't come prepared to get wet... I of course let them!

Around 5pm we headed home. I had them strip down to almost nothing so my car wouldn't get too wet. We came home, had baths, and made dinner. Then I had them all set out clothes for tomorrow. After we ate and got everything cleaned up we all went to bed. It was now 7:30pm. About that time Cory was getting up to get ready for work. We all fell fast asleep...

Then at 11:30pm something woke me up... I got out of bed and checked on each of the four girls. They were all sleeping soundly. As I walked through the hall the thoughts crossed my mind.. as they often do.. "if something were to happen to Perry I'd be responsible for the well being of his children. Weather I were granted actual custody or not being their aunt and being my brother's sister, if anything were to happen to them I would absolutely be responsible for their well being."

I came back to my room and got in bed. I turned netflix onto my TV and watched a documentary called "Dear Zachary". I do not cry easily... period... I was once a very sensitive person, but through the years I've learned to keep that in and "toughen up". I suppose having 3 brothers can do that to a girl. This movie though... made me cry... hard... in part due to the story, but also in part due to the creators ability to make this story so real to me.

It's now 2:40am and I'm still awake. Partly because I'm still in awe of the movie. Partly thinking about my thoughts before the movie. Knowing how much I really love all those kids. Even my brother's children which I claim a stake in. They are mine.. as in they are MY nieces. Even more than that I really do love them as my children. I know my brother loves them too with all his heart, but knowing everything they've been though and how strong they've had to be I feel a particular need to make sure they are aware that they are very much loved, and are very important to me.

I never felt all that important as a child. I was unaware of how much love my parents had for me until I was an adult. I fear that same feeling for both mine and my brothers children. It's my goal that they know now and forever how much they are loved.


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